These 2 letters may be ruining your relationship and your attempts to heal or fix it.
And I have heard it ALL OF THE TIME with literally every couple whom I have worked with in my 20 years as a therapist and counselor.
When you say:
We can’t communicate.
We don’t have a good sex life.
We don’t understand each other.
NO ONE HAS ACCOUNTABILITY WITH WE.
There is no “we” in your relationship.
There are two I’s.
And in my experience when someone says WE, they mean YOU.
YOU don’t know how to communicate.
YOU are a bad lover.
YOU don’t understand me.
And the WE means that no one is taking responsibility.
And since it generally does not work to tell your partner that they are wrong in order to motivate them to change…
All of the WE TALK is not going to get you very far.
May I introduce you to this pronoun? I.
“I struggle with deeply listening when I am activated and then bring up old wounds and throw them in his face which means we are now arguing about the past AGAIN.”
“I don’t have my own relationship to pleasure and am afraid to really ask for what I want and now come to think of it I don’t even know what I want but I don’t want what he is giving me but rather than try something new I just shut down because I HAVE TRIED something again and again and it just seems hopeless so I have given up.”
I statements will change your life.
BUT BEWARE…some I statements will take you right back to the old blame game!
“I feel like YOU don’t listen to me.”
BEEEEP! NOPE. That is a blame sweets. Try again.
Here is the thing…I know that you were not trained on how to be responsible when you are so pissed that you could spit nails.
I know that you have been told that asking for what you want and experiencing pleasure is selfish and lazy.
I know that you secretly believe that if it was “meant to be” it would be easy.
Sorry sweetheart. Most of us are here to learn the womanly art of sacred union with ourselves so we can connect with another.
This might be your moment to transform.
SUMMER SALE is happening now on my 10 week Your Marriage is Your Ashram Self-Study Experience. Link in bio.
Get sober from your addiction to the WE TALK today! :-))