Many women spend years believing the next achievement, move, relationship, opportunity, or adventure will finally bring lasting happiness. What I discovered instead was that finding peace within isn’t something we find somewhere else. It’s something we cultivate within ourselves.

After 25 years I unpacked my peace yesterday. ← a previous short story about deciding

We closed on our house here in Arizona Oct 30, 2021 and yesterday (3 years later!) I fully unpacked three closets and decided…I am staying.

This just one week after contacting my local, favorite realtor to inquire about selling our house. 🫣

[Wait, what?! Yeah, right? I can be a nutter! Please give your condolences to my husband when you see him!]

The Restlessness I Mistook for Growth

Here’s the thing…we have moved about every 3 years for the last 25 years. So, although I make our homes homey I never REALLY settle in because…we are just going to move again.  🚗💨🏠

And we have moved because one of us (me or my husband) was always reaching for something…

A degree

A better job

To be closer to family

A spiritual community

A Mexican adventure.

For all of those years, my DISSATISFACTION and STRIVING was driving me (as well as my high need for freedom-adventure-variety 😻).

My desire for something to FEEL BETTER, to FIND A BETTER FIT, to explore a part of myself so that I could have MORE SATISFACTION was always at the root of our moves.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret any of those experiences. Quite the contrary, we have gobs of friends across North America, we have grown as a family, and we don’t own loads of stuff because…I am a professional purger!

But about two weeks ago, I said to my husband, “Is it time to move?”

His response: 🙄 ← Well that was his INSIDE response, I just know it.

Over the last month, I have started to feel the usual rumblings – right on cue! – of wanting something new, wanting an adventure, feeling a bit restless. So I reached out to my friendly neighborhood realtor who came by and walked through our house and as it became more real that there could be a buyer for our home, I paused.

😱

Wait, what?! 

The Unexpected Realization

As the agents commented on our beautiful floors (saltillo that is in pristine condition), the gorgeous landscaping (truly unique, lush, water features, one-of-a-kind) and saltwater pool, and the view (straight out the east side of the house we just see Mt. Wrightson, pretty sweet)…I realized, I love my house.

But even more than that I saw that I AM SATISFIED IN MY LIFE.

I have no reason to move. And honestly, GASP, I want to stay!

Sure, maybe we could downsize a bit and have less of a yard to manage, maybe save a few dollars by lowering our mortgage…but I love where I live. I love our village. I love our neighborhood. I love the quirkiness of the people. I love the spaciousness. I love the community that I am building. 

And then it occurred to me…yes, this PLACE suits me but the real reason is that for the first time ever I SUIT ME.

I am satisfied with me. 

That may be one of the greatest gifts of this season of life and one of the quiet invitations many women in midlife eventually receive.

The Difference Between Happiness and Peace

I am not chasing anything. I am not trying to get anywhere, have anything, or do anything IN ORDER TO INCREASE my joy or happiness.

Actually, I’ve realized that it is not even about joy OR happiness. I am simply at peace. 

I could take that peace somewhere else if I want. But moving is a pain in the ass so yesterday, I decided to unpack my peace here.

It is new for me to settle in, to accept, to stay, and to decide to plant myself where I am and cease looking outside of myself for something MORE. 

Why So Many Women Keep Chasing “More”

Many women spend years believing satisfaction lives somewhere just beyond the next milestone. The next promotion. The next relationship. The next certification. The next move. We become so practiced at striving that stillness begins to feel uncomfortable.

We live in a world that constantly encourages comparison, achievement, and striving, especially for women. We are encouraged to measure ourselves against others, our lives against others, our happiness against others.

Many of us (🙋‍♀️) have been suckin’ on the teet of comparison and achievement for most of our adult lives. Weaning off that teet has taken me the better part of four years. Because I often work with women like me, I see where that compare-strive-achieve-succeed formula can devastate a woman’s relationship with herself and also in her marriage. 

Walking around with the metaphorical yardstick and thwacking yourself and your beloved with it on the regular is a recipe for misery.

It also keeps you in an internal state of disharmony which means that PEACE IS NEVER AVAILABLE TO YOU.

So you have to gun for happiness instead. Happiness is great because it feels good and it is fun to feel good! It can also be fleeting if there is not the steadiness of peace grounding those periods of happiness.

Finding Peace Within

Peace is something that remains available regardless of our circumstances. Unlike happiness, which naturally comes and goes, finding peace within can become a way of living.

Being at peace means dwelling deeply in this moment and sobering up from the addiction to combing through the worries of the future or regrets of the past. As I dwell in peace, I can bring that to my marriage, my mothering, my clients, my business, and even my world that seems to be rather topsy-turvy at the moment.

Peace is not about pretending that there are not intense situations in the world or important issues to address. It is about tethering myself straight down my spine, through the soles of my feet, deeply-energetically into the Earth where I can be resourced with a real-felt-sense-of-peace before sharing my words about current issues with anyone. Or even sometimes, choosing to say nothing at all and holding my peace with me.

It is my hope and prayer that you are nourishing that peace inside of you right now. Especially in these days. 

FEED that peace with people, practices, information, and actions that anchor you deeply into the nutrient rich calm that is available to you right now inside of you. Some of us need to dig for it (I did for most of my life) but I have found it and now have the good pleasure of helping other women (and a very few men) do the same thing.

And then, the best part!, you get to scatter that peace around and you know what…THAT is how your relationship with yourself, your partner, your kids, your family, your community, your government, your country, and your world transforms. 

You with you.

Right now.

Choosing Peace Every Day

If you’ve been feeling restless lately, wondering if what you really need is a new job, a new relationship, a new house, a new city, or simply a completely different life…

Pause.

It may be that your soul isn’t asking for a different address.

It may be asking for a different relationship with yourself.

That has certainly been true for me.

And if you’re in that season, where you’re longing for more but beginning to wonder whether “more” is actually an invitation inward instead of outward, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.

This is the work I love most.

→ Explore ways we can work together.