Most women spend their lives trying to create safety by controlling circumstances outside themselves, when true emotional freedom begins by creating safety within.

There are seasons in life that ask more of us than information, opinions, strategies, or certainty.

They ask for initiation.

An initiation is not something that simply happens to you. It is a doorway you willingly walk through. You enter as one version of yourself and, if you stay with the process long enough, you emerge as someone fundamentally different.

Most people avoid initiations.

Most people find a way of being in the world by their mid-thirties and spend the rest of their lives reinforcing it. The same fears. The same coping mechanisms. The same stories. The same emotional patterns.

But every once in a while life delivers an invitation that makes it impossible to continue living the same way.

For me, one of those initiations was learning the difference between fear and safety.

And it changed everything.

What Most People Never Learn About Emotional Safety

An initiation is a passageway or portal that you elect to experience. When you enter that portal, you are one person…and when you exit, you are quite another.

Most people eschew initiations.

Most people park in how they move through the world by the age of 35 or so and then coast until they die.

According to Dr. David Hawkins through research of consciousness, he finds that most people dwell in emotional states of shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, and desire (below the energetic frequency of 150). 

These emotional states are marked by a felt experience of insecurity and lack of safety. 

The Hidden Cost of Living in Fear

When you don’t experience safety, you are NOT AVAILABLE FOR the experiences and opportunities that only come above 200: courage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, etc.

The thing is that safety begins in you and as long as you farm it out to what is happening OUTSIDE of yourself, you’re screwed. 😝

When I Gave My Power Away

Ten years ago there was an election and when I heard the results, I cried and thought the world was coming to an end.

I sobbed with fear, clung to my friends who felt afraid for their lives. I pledged to keep them safe. I spun in my head and in my heart for weeks and months gobsmacked at the world that I found myself in.

In 2020, the world was shut down. I was living out of the country at the time and some serious veils dropped for me. For the first time in my life, I was no longer in the highly-orchestrated-silo that I had lived in in ‘Merica. 

I felt gripped with fear for that first year, for reasons different from most but terrified nonetheless.

Again, I whipped myself into a right frenzy not sleeping for weeks, strategizing safety plans, venturing down deeeep rabbit holes that fueled all kinds of personal emotional corruption.

How I Learned to Create Safety Within

As 2020 turned into 2021 it dawned on me that I had (once again) given my emotional power away to something and someone outside of me: namely the government, corporations, people whom I didn’t even know, circumstances that I had no control over, laws, and noise outside of me.

Yes, for sure, things were going down that threatened me and my family personally and for sure there were real life implications that we experienced. 

AND STILL, I *know*…because I teach this everyday…that no one owns my emotional well being except for me.

The Difference Between Awareness and Anxiety

In 2021, I made a concerted effort to extract my ENERGY (i.e. the state of my emotional well-being) away from all of the Out There noise.

That does not mean that I do not know what is happening Out There. 

It doesn’t mean that my head is in the sand either.

It means that I see what is happening as the grandest-spiritual-mystery-school training ever.

Most of us have learned how to master our physical lives (you pay your bills, you get your exercise, you eat your healthy foods, you clean up after yourself).

Humanity level 1 ✅

How many people have mastery over their emotional lives?

Mastery does not equal NOT FEELING YOUR FEELINGS.

Quite the contrary.

Mastery is allowing your feelings 

I have logged MANY HOURS since 2021 conditioning, creating safety in me through the realities that I mentally spin, how I invest my thinking-feeling-doing-believing, and where I rest my gaze.

I ask myself often, “Where do I feel a small slice of safety in my body right now?” Learning to find safety within ourselves may be one of the most important forms of self-trust and emotional resilience available to women navigating uncertainty, transition, and change.

Because every time I can locate even the smallest thread of safety, I strengthen my relationship with myself.

And that relationship is the one that carries me through uncertainty.

The truth is that fear will always offer itself as an organizing principle for our lives. There will always be another crisis, another headline, another reason to tighten, brace, and prepare for the worst.

But fear is a terrible life partner.

Safety, on the other hand, creates space.

Space to think clearly.

Space to feel deeply.

Space to respond instead of react.

Space to access courage, love, creativity, and wisdom.

The very qualities that become available when we stop outsourcing our emotional well-being to the world around us.

Many of the women I work with arrive feeling exhausted from carrying fear, managing uncertainty, and trying to create safety through achievement, control, people-pleasing, or overthinking. Together, we explore what it means to build a deeper relationship with yourself, cultivate emotional safety, and navigate life’s transitions with greater clarity and trust.

If you’re ready to explore that work, I invite you to learn more about my coaching, mentoring, and relationship support services.

→ Explore Ways to Work With Me