Many women mistake constant striving for ambition, when it is often a response to fear and the need to feel safe. Learning to slow down, trust yourself, and fully inhabit the present moment may be one of the most transformative shifts of midlife.

The Addiction Nobody Could See

I am a recovering addict.

Some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol or shopping or gambling.

Not me.

It took me a long time to realize that I was addicted to some version of gripping-clenching-controlling that left me in an Always-Doing-Something-Thinking-Something state of fatigue.

It took me a looong time to notice that stillness, spaciousness, and slowness WAS ALWAYS AVAILABLE in my life but I was never available for it.

It took me a loooong time to be open to see the low tolerance I had IN MY BODY for life to be simple, easy, and honestly…really good.

Why High-Achieving Women Find It Hard to Rest

Many high-achieving women have spent decades believing productivity equals worth. Slowing down doesn’t feel relaxing. It feels unsafe.

I had Olympic-level-conditioned-myself to always be striving to have:

A stronger-thinner-healthier body.

A bigger-fatter-more-robust bank account.

A wider-broader-further-reaching impact professionally.

And of course the list of things to work on was infinite…parenting, marriage, friendships, second language acquisition, cooking, backyard gardening…and if those things were already good how to make them even BETTER.

I WAS ADDICTED TO HOW NOT TO BE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT and what kept me out of the present moment was always working on something for the future. ← Otherwise known as FEAR.

What Keeps Us Out of the Present Moment

I have over-kneaded the dough of my future with fear for most of my adult life. 

“What if I don’t get the job?! What if we can’t find the right house? What if the market crashes and we lose everything? What if what if WHAT IF????!!!!”

I stopped with fretting about the future and have started to REALLY DWELL in the present moment and you know what I discovered?

There is not much there.

It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. It’s spacious. It is quite literally everything that I ever wanted! But I was so busy trying to make it happen OUT THERE that I missed entirely that it was here all along!

The Curse of the Strong Woman

I *know* you might be thinking, “Oh must be nice that you get to just Be Here Now, I wish that I could do that too!”

YOU CAN.

I could all of those years ago but I had a million reasons why I believed that I couldn’t and I scaffolded myself with those reasons which became my life. One being, I thought of myself as a strong woman, a high-achiever, someone who had to go after each thing to be a GOOD PERSON.

And at the end of the day, you get what you believe you can have.

So I didn’t have much peace, ease, or simplicity until about 5 minutes ago (okay…maybe it has been a bit longer than that buuut, you get me).

Why Peace Begins With Feeling Safe

For years I believed peace was something I would earn once everything was finally under control. What I know now is that peace doesn’t come from controlling life. It comes from creating enough emotional safety within yourself that you no longer need to grip so tightly. That’s a very different way of living, and it’s one that many women don’t discover until midlife.

What Does Satisfaction Actually Feel Like?

Why am I telling you this?

Well, because maybe this note will WAKE UP A PART OF YOU that knows that there is nothing OUT THERE that you need.

The primary thing that you need is to exercise the muscle of choice about this one thing:

Are you available to be deeply satisfied and fulfilled RIGHT NOW? To truly BE in the present moment?

If so, give yourself the next two minutes to FEEL WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IN YOUR BODY to feel satisfied.

(Seriously, do this!)

What are the SENSATIONS of satisfaction?

What does FULFILLMENT feel like in your bones, in your skin, in your muscle tone?

What shape does your face take right now when you feel DEEP SAFETY?

Peace Isn’t Waiting in the Future

The path to being a well-nourished, deeply satisfied woman at ease in the present moment starts with you being available for security and safety TODAY. In THIS MOMENT. Not *when* X and Y happen but right now.

Did you just engage in my 2 minute exercise? What did you notice? (let me know in the comments!)

xo

Jenny

My work is built around helping women in mid-life tap into their subconscious and learn how to live withthemselves, in peace, in harmony, and in love with life and the people who matter. If you’d like to learn more about my courses and workshops, please look through all the ways I can support you too.